He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
