Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
