i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
