The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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