honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize