i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
