if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
