Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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