dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
