Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
