i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
