If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
