I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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