I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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