What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
