my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
