The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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