nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
