Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
