It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
