Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
