Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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