I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
