This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
