I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
