please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize