You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
