My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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