Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
