i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
