Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hippo gnu deer
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
