there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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