never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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