I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
