I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Randomize
