she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
