So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
sarcasm needs its own font
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I want to be your penis for a week.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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