Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dicks are not precious.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
