OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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