I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
