Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
