I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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