from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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