I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he puts the penis in happiness.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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