No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
