I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
