his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
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