Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
