smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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