My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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