I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
