just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
