I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
In other news, I just burned my penis
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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