Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
