Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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