i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
my poor anus
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
