yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
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