wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
