At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
