Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
