There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
