Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
thus making me awesome and them whores
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
