i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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