i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
