I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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