either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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