You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
