My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
two words: eviction party
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
