It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We are all done wearing pants today
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
