Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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