3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
