You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
