I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
