Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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